Politics Much? · Uncategorized

29 Hill Staffer Problems

Source: A literal clown

Hi hello! I am a clown as well and here is my clown article.

We all know having a job is dumb, but the dumbest job for trash men and garbage women in the USA country of America is literally working on Capitol Hill. You have to work with people who run our country, get exposed to politics, help your country through public service, make good money and have a powerful support system that grants you nearly endless career opportunities. What kind of moron wants to deal with that? The toilet man at Arby’s has a better job! If you want to be successful in life, do what I did: Attend a 2-year associates program at Fucking Idiot Clown College. I got my certificate in Being a Horse’s Ass. It’s helped. Big time.

So working on Capitol Hill?

Bro, this is the worst!

Working on Capitol Hill is so fetch…


If you don’t know what fetch means it’s when you hang out on some steps with a bunch of people who aren’t touching each other. So if you work on Capitol Hill you get to do this a lot. Also Omar Epps is there in a suit. Fetch as hell.

29. They don’t allow you to shave or carry your briefcase by the handle and your suit jacket has an extra pocket which is probably where you can put the money they hand out when they wink at you for some reason.



Suits are totes fetch but you get lost in the shuffle on Capitol Hill!

Source: esquire.com

28. They make you hang out with a priest of some kind and I think that guy is a Muslim. He has a stick and they let him in and it’s probably a gun or a bomb.


Capitol Hill staffers have to pretend they’re cool with Muslims. It’s inhuman what they do on Capitol Hill.

But at least you get to make black people cry sometimes.



Making black people cry is fetch.

Source: badhaven.com

27. They make you play a weird game where if you have to fart you have to bend over and spread your arms and no one is allowed to react to it in any way at all. The game is called “Your Majesty”.


They’ve been playing it since George Washington invented it. This is rare footage of a Capitol Hill staffer playing the game while George refuses to sit in ‘pink chair for queers’. You see, Capitol Hill’s always been bad place to work.

26. War on Christmas


Santa is public enemy number one on Capitol Hill. Working here, on Capitol Hill, takes the fun out of Christmas.

Image by Getty Images

And you have to pretend cross-dressing is OK.


Back off the eye makeup at least, dude. I do not like to see that stuff on Capitol Hill where I work!

25. The people who pay your salary get to know how much money you make.


As a taxpayer Capitol Hill staffers have the right to privacy for their public taxpayer-funded salary money earnings!

Source: legistorm.com

24. You have to ignore people who desecrate the flag by making it into clothing.


FM Capitol Hill L.

23. The burden of knowing that you’re better and smarter than everyone yet still having to lower yourself to talk to the podunk rubes in a flyover state district office.



Hello literal child person. I work on Capitol Hill! I shouldn’t have to talk to you.

22. Your hometown thinks you are a cartoon lion who is a king with an oral fixation.



If you guessed Capitol Hill, you’re right! It’s Capitol Hill.

21. You have to pretend you like your boss when actually you hate him for giving you a job in this literal gaping hell maw. What an asshole!



I put on a sport jacket over my shapeless dress so my boss on Capitol Hill doesn’t know how much he is despised.

20. They don’t allow you to do or consume non-work-related things at work!


Fucking ridic! This is Capitol Hill, not the prohibition!

19. Everyone knows about the bacterial infection you had in your doodah.


Self exploration is dangerous enough without everyone making fun! But they do because you work on Capitol Hill.

18. Movie reference.


Capitol Hill is just like this only no one points a gun at you and you get paid. Other than that it’s a bingo.

17. Obama’s drone cars kill you if you’re Republican so you have to use public transportation like a peasant.



None of these people even WORK on Capitol Hill. Just when I thought my job on Capitol Hill couldn’t get worse…

16. A man who ate a forest fire kicks you out of his office.



I never said it WAS my office on Capitol Hill, pal. You don’t have to be a jerk. Oh wait you do because we work on Capitol Hill.

15. Kevin Spacey acts like an ass and sucks.



Hey movie star I guess I have to let you off the hook because according to my Capitol Hill contract you are obligated to be like this. Capitol Hill, how I loathe thee!

14. You wake up with a horse’s head like in the Godfather.


I hope you got the joke here. Haha! But seriously Sara Jessica Parker will sleep with you if you work on Capitol Hill and you HAVE to sleep with her. I never knew someone could have a pointy vagina. Thanks, Capitol Hill.

13. Darrell Issa’s shitty vacation pictures go on forever.


It’s all done in a mandatory meeting on Capitol Hill.

12. TV Reference


Man working in any office anywhere is just a wacky as the TV show about an office, The Office. People are dumb and don’t do their jobs is the implication. On Capitol Hill is where.

11. Some mother fucker bleeds on your yogurt fruit cup.



All you want is yogurt and fruit but the State Department’s Secretary in Charge of Bleeding on Fruit just happens to have an office next to the commissary on Capitol Hill.

10. You’re rationed 2 slices of bread in defiance of your wealth of meat.


One word: Socialism in America. If they catch you with 3 slices of bread on Capitol Hill you’re done for.

9. You have to look at shit assholes who are touring the capitol as if they own it.



Look at these homeless people. Disgraceful. The worst part is they get in your way and make you late for the job that you hate anyway. The job on Capitol Hill.

Source: moyouthtour.blogspot.com

8. Funny black people?



Capitol Hill.

Funny black people.



Capitol Hill!

No one understands your screamingly obvious maps either! Just look at the funny black people and you’ll get it, idiots!



Here is an areal view of Capitol Hill. Walk for 5 minutes? Not if you don’t want to work on Capitol Hill!

7. They expect you to stand for aggression.


Too late, Dude. The aggression is standing. Also you are fired as it is not casual Friday. That’s what they do to you on Capitol Hill!

6. You have to talk to Canadian refugees.


They are homeless too and want to get on our food stamp program which you’d like to eliminate but the deck is stacked against you on Capitol Hill.

5. You’re expected to be a nihilist.



But it’s Capitol Hill that doesn’t care.

4. People still use SnagIt to take screenshots.



Good use of tax money on screen grab software. You think you could maybe get rid of the vast whitespace at the bottom of the image? No they can’t because you work on Capitol Hill!

3. Show me a picture of the worst mobile phones.


Guess what brand you have to use if you work on Capitol Hill? P.s. it’s Blackberry and it sucks.

2. No one comes to the ‘Fuck You’ campfire.



You think your coworkers are your friends? Maybe they are, unless you work on Capitol Hill!

1. A marginally attractive girl says something that no one ever says.



Who shaves their back? I guess the people on Capitol Hill!

And then you go back in time to the 40′s to watch people make out.




This is what Capitol Hill uses time-travel technology for.

I fucking nailed this article so hard Doogie Howser smoked a cigar and high-fived some chick with a nice rack!


In summation, you’re too good for this job on Capitol Hill.


Ham. Bread. Dads.

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