Science is always up to wacky stuff – stuff that you cheeto-munching assholes can barely comprehend. We’ve explored the depths of the moon, and the highest mountains – with science. Even so, there is still more to be discovered – and some of these new ideas probably make even the nerdliest scientist sit up out of their nerd-chair and say “WTF!”
5. We are all made out of numbers
For those of you who paid attention in math class you’ll know that numbers are quantities of things – when I say that I have 3 apples, that “3″ is a number. Pretty cool, right? Well some numbers are called “prime” – I won’t bore you with the complicated science behind it, but what’s really cool is that scientists have proved (with lots of cool science tech that’s beyond my pay grade) that there is an infinite number of these “prime” numbers. An infinite is a lot. Way more than your video game-playing, tumblr-addicted mind can handle. But think of it this way: imagine how much an original X-Box controller weighed (90′s kids will be with me on this one). Now imagine how much thousands of them would weigh. If you had an infinite number of X-Box controllers, they would weigh more than that.
“Woah” – Neo from the Matrix
Now here’s the even weirder part – all of those prime numbers have to go somewhere. And scientists are pretty sure there are an infinite number of them. You know what else is probably infinite? The universe. Put 2 and 2 together (just a little number joke there) and you’ll see that you, me, the original Nickelodeon studio in Florida with the slime fountain that was unjustly shut down – must all be composed of prime numbers. Now the fact that scientists can’t see atoms starts to make sense – they can’t see them, because atoms are really numbers!
4. The Matrix is real – and you probably live in it!
Remember the Nintendo 64? That 64 at the end was the number of RAMs in the computer that ran your games. Now we were pretty impressed by the games back then (Mario 64 and Buck Bumble, I’m looking at you!), but looking back the graphics weren’t that great compared to today’s great games like Farmville or Bejeweled. And that’s just with the X-Box 360, which has 296 more RAM in it than the N64. I know you all aren’t computer experts, but think of it like this: a football field is 100 yards long. Now bust out your calculators for this one: 100+296 = 396 yards – only a few yards short of the height of the Empire State Building!
And that’s just a difference of 10 years (the 1990′s to today).It gets even worse – scientists have measured something called Moore’s Law (it really should be More’s law, because it is about having more computers, but scientists aren’t always the best spellers). To put it as simply as possible:
Remember your Empire State building XBox from before? Well in two years that will be like two empire state buildings. And two years after that, four empire state buildings. That’s a lot of computing power. The movie the Matrix came out in 1999. That means that by today there is enough computers to run 14 matrices (the scientific plural of matrix is matrices). That means matrices outnumber the real world 14 to 1. Are we in a matrix right now? Some scientists say so.
3. The Bible is Real, and True
I was asked to put this in by the management of this website. I have no insight on this one, but I’ve been assured that it checks out.
2. Ladies will sleep with you – even if you insult them!
Think back to basic physics class from high school. BOR-ING, right (total snooze-fest). Well instead of it being boring, it’s more like boning! So magnets have both positive and negative poles (“North” or “South” if you’re a stupid mouth-breathing hipster). But it turns out that women do too!
Nuclear scientists discovered a technique called “negging” which they applied to bombs to make them go off – but you can apply it to ladies to make them get off. Try making fun of them. This lowers their CHA (charisma) stat (do you think it’s a coincidence that D&D players tend to be science nerds? those numbers had to come from somewhere!) which means that then you have a higher chance of persuading them to do anything – or anyone (even you)!
Sounds pretty crazy, but a quick search of the Psychology/Unified Atomology subreddit will give you all the evidence you need (if you can figure out all of the jargon and nerd-speak!).
1. We can end suffering!
So we all dislike suffering. No brainer, right? Our mom suffered when she gave birth to us (well maybe not your mom, but that’s because she has messed up junk), and we suffer when we die. Scientists have discovered literally thousands of kinds of suffering, and they keep discovering more. I know I sure suffered when I had to watch the latest completely continuity-bashing Star Trek Movie!
But recent discoveries have found that there’s a common theme to this kind of suffering – desire. Now I know what you’re thinking – that doesn’t make sense! Usually when I desire something (like to beat the water temple before it’s time to return the game back to blockbuster, amirite?) it feels really good when I get it, the opposite of suffering. Guess again, bucko! It turns out that desire just creates a cycle of suffering – you get something, but then you just end up wanting more, and you either can’t have it (so you suffer), or you get it at the expense of others (so others suffer). Just bad news all around.
Bad news, right? Because we all desire stuff. In fact a lot of what defines our identity is the kind of stuff we buy (Nintendo fanboys, I’m looking at you). But it turns out that (in controlled laboratory conditions, at least) scientists have found ways to end suffering.
Great, right? Just give us a pill to make us not suffer anymore, and call it a day. Not so fast! It turns out this only works (at least in the lab) if you follow a very specific set of steps, some of which are pretty difficult. Remember that self-identity that I talked about in the last paragraph? Turns out that you might need to get rid of yourself as well. *gulp* I don’t know about you, but I value my posting personas pretty highly – imagine having to get rid of your IRL persona as well! I’ll wait for the pills, please!
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