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6 Kickstarters You Should Donate To

Kickstarter is the newest form of online begging but without the whole ‘will he just spend this money on drugs?’ mental debate. With Kickstarter you can help bring products to life that were too niche to have any real market value, or help create an artistic vision that wasn’t deemed worthy of a real investors money. Here’s a rundown of six of the best you donate to right now!

Another Pointless New Media Start-Up

These tech guys and marketing gurus down in silicon valley have done it again. This time its an a new social media application that lets you broadcast the deepest sorrows of your being in a handy, sharable format. Existentiapp plugs directly into your cerebral cortex giving a live stream of your thoughts, allowing you to document the banality of your own existence to anyone who will listen like a mumbling amphetamine addict at the bus stop.

You’ll know it’s destined to be a sure fire hit once you’ve seen the developers that are working on the project. There’s nothing like a t-shirt from a popular webcomic and a well thumbed digimon deck to reassure you that these developers know a lot about digital, and not a whole lot about what a womans breast feels like.


A Millionaire’s Indulgent Indie Movie

When you are gathering together a few coins to treat yourself to a lunchtime McDonalds, somewhere in hollywood there’s a movie star who’s crying. He might be tucking into duck ravioli cooked by one of the finest chefs in the world, but he’s dabbing his eyes on a limited edition Versace handkerchief. He’s a broken man. Yes he has the women, the money, the cars, the house and the endless accolades, but is he a real artiste? I mean how can someone who has already experienced living their dream career wake up every morning knowing he isn’t being true to his indie roots?

Now, thanks to the the fans he can. Come on you ignorant shithead, give him a 100 dollars of your meagre salary to realize his dream and you might get a t-shirt or a mouse mat out of it, as well as the knowledge you are making life better for the people who really suffer.


Find Kony 2.0

Even Finding Nemo is getting a sequel, so why not Kony? If you don’t donate to this one well I guess you love child soldiers don’t you, you fucking monster. If posters stuck to a bus shelter in Portland can’t catch a warlord the first time around, then what the heck can? Find out by pledging to Kony part duece: this time, it’s not futile.

This newer video will be narrated by the vocal talents of Randy Newman, featuring a behind the scenes bloopers reel, ‘Kony u so crazy!’ including a scene with a drunken Kony trying to recruit a deck chair. A panel judged that Newman was a wiser choice than the previous presenter Jason Russell, due to being “less likely to jerk off in public,” which I think we can all agree, is a shaky assumption.


Build Your Own Drone Kit

Why should the American Government have all the fun! If this kickstarter reaches its modest target of one billion (US Dollars), you might soon be the sole commander of a small fleet of unmanned drones! Your drone army is available in luscious pink, funky yellow and fruity orange. (Fair warning: The controls are pretty buggy, I was trying to blow up my neighbor’s mailbox as a  joke and ended up maiming his five year old daughter. I dun #goofed).

(Arab) Spring Breakers

Hey I know you don’t usually care about genocide in other countries, I mean who has the time? It’s hard enough keeping up to date with your local sports team. But stop floating through life in that thickening cloud of apathy. You can really make a difference here. For just one thousand (US Dollars) you can send arms to any number of middle eastern countries that are currently held in death grip of civil war. Donate two thousand dollars and you’ll get a signed photo of your favorite militia leader or a necklace made from human teeth.


Google Ass

This kickstarter is hosted by the monolithic search engine giant Google. Google Ass is a unisex undergarment that will feed your digestive and nutritional information back directly to the Google mega computer. Just what you always wanted huh? Plus there’s Apps for doing poops and not a whole lot more.


joe_polish

I write for some people and not for others.

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