1. Continental Breakfast
Okay, who is the meal-naming genius who came up with this one? The first time you heard the term “continental breakfast” what did you think it was? Probably one type of food from each continent. That’s what I thought, too. It’s actually just a bagel and some cereal from a crummy plastic container. Hotels never check to make sure you have a room before they let you in to the continental breakfast area because who cares? This type of breakfast SUCKS.
2. French toast sticks at Bickford’s
French toast is good. Pretty much everyone with a brain on planet Earth knows this. In stick form, french toast is even better. It’s more efficient to push a wedge into your mouth after dunking it in syrup. So how did Bickford’s, the restaurant that invented the breakfast buffet as far as I know, manage to screw this one up? Here’s the scenario: you walk into Bickford’s, fill your plate with as many french toast sticks as you can, and then you taste one. What the hell? They’re gross somehow. It’s like they didn’t add enough sugar and all the ingredients they did use are awful. On top of that, Bickford’s uses crummy syrup and their cooks don’t even know how to make good scrambled eggs. Get your act together or call it quits, Bickford’s.
3. September 20th, 1997
Where do I begin with this breakfast? You told me we could have a special waffle breakfast, mom. Why did you make pancakes instead? This folly pretty much ruined my entire Saturday.
4. Eating breakfast with idiots who complain about grapefruit
I like the taste of grapefruit and so do millions of other people. I obviously don’t want to listen to nay-sayers trash talk the food I’m eating. I would rather skip breakfast entirely than have to deal with your negativity so don’t sit with me. Not only do you hate grapefruit but you also think I pour way too much sugar on it? I am glad I dropped out of college and got away from people like this. Breakfast saved.
5. Pulp should come in a side dish
Why do they have orange juice with pulp? I bet the people who make orange juice are just too lazy to filter it out. If they served it as a side dish that you can add to pure unpulpy juice no one would order it. That’s probably why they’ll never use my idea. Any time you get pulp in your orange juice, that’s a breakfast fail to be sure.
6. The comics in the newspaper
The best way to eat breakfast is as quickly as possible. Usually, a good breakfast will have a huge plate of eggs and corned beef hash and sausage and bacon. That’s a lot of food, and it’s going to get cold if you waste time. Chow down, brothers and sisters. If you’re one of those rubes who reads the newspaper during breakfast you have probably stumbled upon the comics section. Talk about fails. These comics are mostly lame. You could probably even do an entire FeedBuzz article on why the newspaper comics suck so much and I probably will.
7. All that lousy stuff Dunkin Donuts keeps inventing
There is no way I’m going to eat those breakfast wraps that Dunkin Donuts keeps advertising. You can tell that they’re small and a really bad value. There is one reason you would ever buy these: you woke up too late to get the McDonald’s breakfast food items. Hell, that’s another breakfast fail, even. Too bad this list only goes up to 7. Well, until next time, folks, try not to make your breakfast a breakfast fail.
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