Politics Much? · Uncategorized

A Trigger Warning Jam Named “NSA”

TRIGGER WARNING: Terrible things. Seriously

Barack Obama is preparing for his inauguration when suddenly there is a knock at the door. It’s the Secret Service man. “Mr President Elect” he says, “someone is here to see you and it’s urgent.”

“Let him, or her in.. Let them in” says Barack Obama.

A man comes in wearing the uniform of an important military man. “Mr President Elect” he says “I am General Keith Alexander head of the NSA and other things. Please come with me now urgently to NSA headquarters as we have something very important to talk about mate.”

Barack Obama says “Okay” and they go to NSA headquarters together in an official car.

They get to the NSA headquarters and they go into a small room. There’s nobody else in the room just Barack Obama and General Keith Alexander.

“Okay General what do you want to talk about?” says Barack Obama questioningly.

“Okay Barack I’m going to cut the bull crap now” says General Keith Alexander. “You’re going to be the President and that means you have to know what the score is. Watch this video now.”

The lights go off and a video starts to play on a big screen in front of the two men. First it shows Barack Obama himself. He’s younger because the video was made when he was in Chicago. He’s doing business deals with big Mafia men and laughing with them about their crimes together.

“Haha, I see what you are trying to do Keith” says Barack Obama. “You want to scare me because you have all this surveillance of me and you want me to feel like I have to do whatever you say? Well I’m going to be the President whether you like it or not. I will be your Commander in Chief and you’re going to listen to me and do what I say. It’s not the other way around.”

General Keith Alexander smiles. “You haven’t seen everything yet Barack.” The video stops and another starts to play. This video is about President John F. Kennedy and it was made on the day he died. President John F. Kennedy’s head comes off from a gunshot. It’s all in high definition.

Barack Obama has never seen this film before. He laughs although he sounds a little nervous when he does it. “Okay Keith I see your game. It’s a threat now? Look, whatever mate. You can’t kill me. Don’t you get it? I made a big campaign about Hope and now lots of people want me to live and be the President. If I get killed it’s going to be real bad for the economy. Okay? So you can’t just kill me.”

General Keith Alexander smiles again. “You don’t get it Barack. That’s not all. Not by a long shot, as they say.” Another video starts to play. It’s like a music video. Music is playing. Barack Obama doesn’t recognize the music but it’s Tiësto. The video is edited real fast to keep time with the music. The video shows previous Presidents of the United States of America sexually molesting children. It’s all of the Presidents since John F. Kennedy and all of them are doing terrible sexual things to children. The video is horrible. It’s in high definition again and everything. Barack Obama can see everything. Even the footage from the 1970s is in high definition because of secret technology.

Barack Obama is angry. “I don’t know what kind of game this is Keith but it’s sick. Are we done here?” But Barack Obama doesn’t move because he’s scared now.

General Keith Alexander is not smiling anymore. “No Barack. Before you can be President of the United States there is something you have to do. You have to do it now so we can add to our little video collection.” General Keith Alexander gets a trolley out from the shadows and pulls it into the center of the room. It has a sheet over it. There is something child shaped under the sheet.

Barack Obama looks at General Keith Alexander who still is not smiling. Barack Obama lifts the sheet slightly. “Oh my God” he says. He sees the face of his youngest daughter under the sheet. She is not awake.

“Don’t worry Barack” says General Keith Alexander. “Your daughter will not feel or remember a thing because of secret drugs I gave her. Now you must have sex with your daughter and I will film it. Don’t worry you won’t see the camera but you will see me. I want to watch you do it. Once you have sex with your sleeping daughter, who is just a child, and I watch it and there will be a video, only then can you become President of the United States. And when you are the President, you will do a lot of favors for me and my powerful friends, and we will also do favors for you. You will become one of us. The most powerful men in the world, all together because of a terrible secret.”

Barack Obama has a tear coming down his face now. He’s angry and afraid. “You and your friends? You think you are so powerful that you can make me do this? You and your friends think you can make me have sex with my own daughter and put it on a video?” Barack Obama’s voice is shaking and finally he yells at General Keith Alexander. “JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?”

General Keith Alexander smiles again, finally, and quietly answers Barack Obama’s question: “The Aristocrats.”

methadonna used to conduct social media psyops campaigns for george soros. he is still waiting for his paycheck.

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