Honest to Pete, that Walter White is a rapscallion! He is always in some kind of hot water and last night’s episode was more of the same from the towering team of writers and producers of this amazing show. Also the director and actors and other guys who do lighting and stuff and the webmaster.
So here we go! And as always SPOILER ALERT! If you haven’t watched this episode you’re gonna get mighty vexed and want to send me splenetic emails. So take a ‘chill’ pill and go read some of Vrunt’s great articles and come back when you have watched it!
The shows starts off with Walt’s partner, Jesse, watching the evening news. Walter White appears, startling Jesse so much that he drops his popcorn. The news anchor reports that Walter is gathering his trusty partners to his castle in Transylvania for a conference of monsters. This suggests that there is some some truth to the rumor that Halloween is going disappear forever! To make matters worse, the anchor speculates that Walter White himself is behind this plot!
I don’t need to tell you that this gets Walt’s dander way up. Walter White goes all Walter White, yelling, “How dare they? Halloween is my national holiday!” Then he throws a handful of chemical rocks at the TV and it blows up which is also very Walter White.
Jesse and the hump on his back (the one we call Little Jesse) make the preparations for the monsters to arrive. I was taken out of the action a bit at this point because if I remember correctly, Jesse’s hump is much bigger than last season. I mean we all know he has a cancerous tumor but it seems a rather large plot hole not to explain that it’s getting worse. I mean, I put 2+2 together but still. Once again Vince Gilligan is Gilliganing his audience. Maybe we should rename the hump, ‘Big Jesse’? I’m fine with that.
After his compatriots arrive Walt chastises them for being laughable instead of being frightening. And these guys truly aren’t scary! The Wolf-man is doing shaving commercials, The Frankenstein Creature is a tap-dancer and the Mummy and Zombie are just a couple of lameos! We have seen the build up to this in previous seasons. If you remember in season 3, the Wolf Man was living in a homeless shelter before Walt recruited him into his operation. But Walt Walted the Wolf-man by paying him very little. Season 3 closed with Wolf-man going into the Gillette building to talk about a possible endorsement deal. The Mummy has been a side-character since season one but hasn’t had much character development. I’m hoping that producer Stewart A. Lyons and ends up pulling a Stewart A. Lyons on Vince Gilligan and makes the Mummy a more central character. That would be awesome. And for once Vince Gilligan would be the one getting Gilliganed.
I paused the DVR at this point to eat one of the new gourmet Hot Pockets for hilarious comedy reasons. My cat screamed at a ninja.
The plot thickens when the Witch finally speaks up. Turns out she’s the one spreading the rumors about Halloween’s demise because she’s tired of being called ugly and taking orders from Walt. And unless she rides her broom across the moon, Halloween won’t happen! If the shoe fits, toots… I’m wondering what the writers are angling at here. She is ugly, but maybe they’re making a commentary on all the hubbub about body-image issues that I’m reading about lately. I reckon FeedBuzz should fund a study looking into this. They should also fund my freezer full of screamingly funny Hot Pockets! Konks, you have your marching orders! (Just kidding, please don’t take away my paycheck or these amazingly crazy Hot Pockets!)
The Witch has some big demands that have to be met including more publicity, Walt’s entire t-shirt business and equal authority in his criminal enterprise. Walt refuses and the Witch takes a powder. This is a great way to add intrigue to the final season. Of course Walt would refuse – it’s not about the money, it’s about the power! No one Walter Whites Walter White! Walter White is the only one who’ll do the Walter Whiting around here.
The guys chase the Witch around Walt’s castle, but she gives them the slip and flies away on her broom. Nice try, lady! We all know that Walter White can fly too! He pulls a total Walter White and transforms into a vampire bat to go after her. He catches up with her only to realize that the sun is about to come up and if he doesn’t return to his tomb he’ll be cooked for sure! I think this is a cheap plot device just to squeeze another commercial break out of this episode. Vince Gilligan must get a real kick out of Gilliganing because he’s Gilliganing all over this one.
Just before we take that commercial break we see Walt crashing into the tomb door because that nincompoop Jesse left it closed! Open at night, closed in the day, Jesse! Sheesh! But that’s our Jesse. Always Pinkmanning Walt. And for that we love him. I’m glad Vince Gilligan got Chris Hardwick to play Jesse. For once he backed off his constant Gilliganing.
Another commercial, another Hot Pocket. A doctor should give me lithium for this hysteria! Yikes and wazoo!
The next night Frankenstein, Wolf-man, Zombie and Mummy are watching the news. The mood around the country is somber as it looks like Halloween is sure to be cancelled. I’m a little disappointed in this. Watching the news has already been done in the episode. Maybe cinematographer Michael Slovis Slovised too much the night before this scene was shot? I don’t know but from what I understand that guy Slovises quite a bit if you know what I mean so this isn’t outside the realm of possibility.
Walt shows up and tells the boys that they are going to the Witch’s castle. Walt informs them of his plan to coerce the Witch to make her epic flight. Jesse and the fellows are to burst into her room and hold her down so Walt can hypnotize her. Once she is under his power, he can pull a Walter White and force her to fly across the moon!
But that lovable idiot Jesse once again pulls a Jesse Pinkman and Pinkmans things up – he had said the Witch didn’t have any magic but as Walt tries to hypnotize her she animates a painting of the Three Musketeers and wriggles out of their grasp. The sad-sack crew of monsters flees leaving Walt and Jesse to deal with the swordsmen. Jesse says they’re just illusions, but these illusions cut through the large candle-holder Walt grabbed to defend himself, “Can’t do me any harm, huh? Who did that, termites?!” That Walt cracks wise even when he’s in danger. America loves a wacky protagonist. Sometimes I think without this kind of madcap humor the gritty tone of Breaking Bad would never be believable. Bravo, Vince Gilligan! If every Gilligan you did was like this I wouldn’t mind all the other Gilliganing going on.
The Witch cackles as she runs from the room and as she disappears, so do the Three Musketeers. That’s a real bummer because we all know that Walt started training in MMA in season 4 and I wanted to see him break out a few triangle chokes on these guys, but I guess the writers writered us again.
But the writers writer us a bone as Jesse finally does something right and has Pinkmanned the Witch’s broom! Now she cannot fly away.
They rush up the stairs to find the Witch has locked herself into her room behind a thick door. Walt can’t hypnotize her through a solid object so Jesse suggests that Walt turn himself into a teeny-tiny bat in order to squeeze under the door. I don’t know why he just didn’t do this in the first place but that’s because I’m not a Hollywood writer. That is to say I make a lot of sense when I write things instead of the Hollywood writers who do not make any sense when they write things.
Anyway the Witch is waiting for Walt and hits him with an umbrella, forcing him to retreat. He turns back into Walter – with a black eye! He is very angry with Jesse at this point. I wouldn’t be surprised if he went all Walter White on Mr. Pinkman.
Jesse tries to get back in good graces with another hare-brained scheme – walking around the outside ledge to get in through the window. But the jokes on him because Walt makes Jesse do it. Classic Walter White.
Jesse creeps along the edge and throws a grappling hook, but as he swings through the window that clever Witch opens the door and Jesse crashes into the rest of the hapless monster crew. No one is seriously injured which is good news. A trip to the hospital might put Walt’s illegal operations in the spotlight of the cop authorities and while we all love a good chase Breaking Bad tread that water already in season 2 when Walt and Jesse stole a bunch of cars and a top cop played by the Dwayne The Rock Johnson almost nabbed them. Kudos for admitting that your audience can remember things that happened!
Walt manages to avoid the monster pile but as midnight and the end of all Halloween is upon them he resigns himself to meeting the Witch’s demands. He humbly gives in only to be coerced into disco dancing! It makes sense now. In episode one of season 5′s first half, we saw Walt brushing his hair in the mirror. I didn’t get it at the time, but this ties it together as a nice little reference to Saturday Night Fever. Vince Gilligan, you’re a great skipper in my book!
But even after Walt meets all her demands, including the disco dancing, she still decides to quit being a Witch and to stop Halloween once and for all. “Nobody loves a witch!” she says.
I know it’s TV but these cliff-hanger pre-denouements get a little tiring. I’m pretty sure Halloween will be saved but how? I decide to calm down with a Hot Pocket? No! Here’s a real plot twist for you – I reach for a LEAN POCKET!
Now back to the show! Just moments before midnight some kids show up and beg her to ride across the moon. One of the kids is dressed as a witch because she loves witches! All the kids love witches. I guess we’re supposed to ignore how these kids managed to a: find the witch and b: not get themselves dead by Walt’s ruthless pistol-packing drug crew. And we will ignore it because those kids are just so darn adorable. Plus they probably ended up ‘sleeping with the fishes’ later on.
Well this little speech eventually convinces the Witch to ride across the moon and kick off Halloween as long as Walter still meets her demands. Poor Walter. Looks like the tables are turned and Walt got Waltered.
The episode ends with a disco party. Everyone is having a good time and it’s implied that the Witch and Walt do some sex which can do nothing but set off further crazy adventures as Walt and the gang try to keep Walter’s wife from finding out while Jesse Pinkman Pinkmanns all over the place.
- I just realized Vince Gilligan has the same last name as that show Gilligan’s Island. Well he is stranded on a desert island – a desert island of awesome TV show! No one can touch Breaking Bad right now.
- It’s a little late in the series to debut Walt’s new powers. Teeny-tiny bat?
- Would Jesse Pinkman’s last name be Brownman if he was black? Weird thought I just had.
- I love when Walter White goes all Walter White!
- Wait for it.. Hot Pocket!
- The Christmas special is next week. Those fun loving criminals are sure to be at it again. Can they save Christmas and Halloween in the same year? I sure hope so.
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