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Chekhov’s Boner and Other Lesser Known Literary Devices

chekov 

Chekhov’s Boner 

A story-telling principle which proposes that all introduced elements of a narrative must be resolved, i.e, if you mention Chekhov’s giant dick and balls in one scene, then it must reappear by the conclusion. As Chekhov himself wrote, “If in the first act you have gotten me all hard by rubbing your big-ass titties all over my junk, then by the end of the night I’m a get one off. Otherwise you wasting my time.”

Hamartia Brady

Originally derived from Aritstotels’ Poetics, where it was understood to be an error of judgment, our contemporary understanding of hamartia has taken on the context of a tragic, or fatal flaw, as in this commonly seen internet character trait of mistaking one’s own extensive working knowledge of pop cultural references as being anything to be remotely proud of, thereby rendering the hero a useless husk of vaguely familiar-sounding, but ultimately fruitless trivia regurgitated ad nauseum on internet listicles.

Renob S’vohkehc 

G.K. Chesteron explained this coinage of Dickens’, also known as Mooreeffoc, to mean “the queerness of things that have become trite when they are seen suddenly from a new angle.” For example your image of famed Russian dramatist Anton Chekhov now that you’re thinking about him walking around in a pince-nez and bowtie with a big purple boner pointing it at everyone on the set of Three Sisters. “The queerness of things that have become trite,” is also often used to describe your personal brand on our message board you don’t know about.

Pathetic Phallusy 

What our moms said about your tiny little dick. Wait that doesn’t make our mom’s sound good, hrmm. Nah, it’s worth it. Our moms said you have a pathetic little phallus, and also that your balls were as dreary as the sullen clouds, hanging about morosely, as mourners attending a coffin.

Leitwortstil

The repetition of a specific wording or phrase within a narrative, meant to reinforce the underlying theme or tone of the piece, i.e., in your specific instance the word FAIL which has followed you around for as long as you can remember, and, as it turns out, looks like it’s not going away any time soon. Anyway, that’s the theme of your dramatic arc: FAIL.

Denowment

Derived from the dramatic structural movement dénouement, this goofy coinage would make a great premise for a reverse-engineered-from-a-pun-trend-piece in the New York Times. “With the hyper-connected pace of internet culture, particularly in hipster enclaves like Brooklyn, contemporary teens and twenty-something teens are increasingly becoming too impatient to wait around for the resolution of any of the meaningful developments in their lives, instead hoping to scroll ahead to the denowment to see how things will play out.” [Hold on a minute, actually going to go pitch this story, brb.]  Also describes skipping ahead on a Tube 8 video to the cumshot.

序破急

Translated from the Japanese, Jo-ha-kyū, is a traditional pattern in the arts which means “beginning, break, rapid” that will be familiar to people who were like, haha exactly on that last porn joke up there, scumbags.

Parad0x

A collection of anomalous incongruities meant to illustrate an unexpected insight, as when an internet user continuously references their voracious cultural tastes and consumer habits in an effort to construct a specific type of personal brand, but the effort is so obvious the user ultimately ends up d0xing themselves as a big try-hard baby.

Chekhov’s Butthole

Same thing as Chekhov’s Boner, but this time it’s his big Russian butthole.

 

@lukeoneil47


I write lots of things for internet and paper, some of them are less dumb than others. https://twitter.com/lukeoneil47