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How to Write Four FeedBuzz Articles in Four Days

So you want to write articles for FeedBuzz, eh? And what’s that, you say you want to write FOUR articles? In exactly four days?! I’m… I’m appalled. It’s like I don’t even know you anymore. I guess if this is the path you want to go down I can’t stop you, so I might as well stop you from failing. Even though I shouldn’t help you at all, you disgusting monster.

 

1. Write Your First Article on the First Day

This step may just be the easiest one of the four. It’s as simple as sitting down, perhaps in your bedroom or in your office or at a Starbucks. Hell, if you’re a real risk taker you could just sit down in the middle of the sidewalk and start. Once you’re seated, make sure you have a computer or some other electronic device in front of you and ready to be typed upon. I would say you can use paper, but FeedBuzz doesn’t work like that. In fact, nothing on the Internet does and you shouldn’t have assumed anything of that sort in the first place.

Once you’ve begun typing, make sure the way you’re typing your content makes it particularly resemble an article you would write on FeedBuzz. I say this because if you write your entire article as if it were an article you wanted to write for FeedBuzz, you will be surprised when you finish and find that you just wrote an article for FeedBuzz. Once you’ve completed that step, put the article on FeedBuzz and there you have it.

2. Write Your Second Article on the Second Day

Day 1, Article 1 was a breeze right? Well get ready for this, because it’s the second day and now you have to write another article for FeedBuzz. Don’t make the same mistake I almost did and just do the exact same article for the second day, but you typed it up again so it was like it wasn’t the same article. It’s best when two article are not the exact same article, but typed two separate times. Also it makes no sense to do that.

For this step I would suggest following the first few steps from step 1 to at least get yourself into a seated position with something you can type on (once again, NOT paper. The Internet is NOT on paper). After you have gotten to that point again, I would suggest you start typing in a very similar way to the way you typed your article the day before. Just say in your head, “I’m writing an article for FeedBuzz, check it out!” Try not to say this out loud because people won’t want to talk to you if they hear you narrating your life in a very excited manner. I haven’t kissed a girl in three years

So, have you been typing as I told you to? Well take a look back at your work! You just typed ANOTHER article for FeedBuzz, and hopefully it’s still day 2 so you can submit it! Also, you should probably stop blindly following orders from me. Didn’t you see my bear article from yesterday? I’m not a good role model.

3. Write Your Third Article on the Third Day

Honestly, I don’t even know what kind of madman would get to step 3. I’m seriously repulsed by you right now, like every female I work with is repulsed by me. But I guess if you want to continue down this dark path you should just do it and stop making a big scene out of it. You’re such a drama queen.

The basic strategy to writing your third article on the third day is to do what works for you. How easy were your first two articles to write? If they were pretty easy, just write this one the same way you wrote the first two. Just remember to be sitting down when you write it because people who work on their computers while standing up are awful human beings and not my friends.

On the other hand, if the first two articles were NOT easy for you to write then I suggest you try out some new styles of writing them. Are you in a Starbucks writing? Maybe you should try going somewhere a bit quieter and more private so you feel less anxious. Are you sitting in your chair at work? Try lying on the floor in the break room and groaning until someone takes you to the hospital. There’s no reason for you to go to the hospital but at least you get out of work early so you can go home and finish typing your third article.

I guess eventually you’ll probably have something written. I don’t know what it is, but you were never one for quality were you? Good work, sport.

4. Write Your Fourth Article on the Fourth Day

Wow, so you made it to the fourth day. Good job, you’re a REAL success. I’m utterly blown away by the fact that you can do the same thing four days in a row. Mozart and Einstein and the guy who came up with the idea for lines painted on roads would be proud of you. This is all sarcasm so don’t think I’m actually congratulating you. I think you’re deplorable and I’m shocked that I’m still even associating with you. We went to HIGH SCHOOL together, man, I never thought this was the kind of person you’d grow into.

So here you are on the fourth day, and by now you’ve probably got the hang of it so I don’t have any more tips for you. Write your fourth article and throw it right into the trashcan because FeedBuzz would never accept this garbage. Also, if you’re able to throw your article into the garbage that probably means you wrote it on paper which I specifically told you not to do in the first and second steps. If you can’t even follow these steps, what are you even worth? I hope you’re happy with yourself.

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FrightShark

Fright Shark is a creature born on the internet who occasionally writes jokes. He works in Washington, DC, and likes to drive his car that has a sunroof. He often brags about how long it’s been since he’s touched a female and has been known to make videos on Snapchat. His dad is not proud of him.

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