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It Would Be Cool: Fast Food Edition

uu409311_Cool-1The following is a series of ideas for things that would be cool. They are from a rapidfire AIM conversation from 2010 that I’ve copied and pasted into new content. These are written by me, vrunt, and my good friend and comedy muse John V. Actually most of them are John’s.

it would be cool if you went to mcdonalds like every day or close to every day and youd order a bunch of food and every time the guy would ask for your receipt you would say “did i order 5 or 6 big macs, punk” in a clint eastwood voice and this would make his life even worse cause it would be a glaring constant in his shit life

it would be cool to somehow get intel on what kind of food they’re out of at taco bell and you go there and order a chalupa with that in it and you get a large soda and fill it up and stand at the counter drinking it and the guy comes and hes like uhh im sorry sir we don’t have any chicken right now and you do a spit take and go SPHFSHFSPHF adn spit mountain dew all over him and yell WHAT

it would be cool likewise to know what sod athey’re out of at mcdonalds so its just like that watery stuff and you get a large soda and go to the fountain and start filling it up and you go Uhhh..excuse me? and the girl at the counter is like oh im sorry sir we’re out of 7 up and you freeze up in anger for a second and then slam your ice filled glass into the fountain drain cage and storm out immediately

it would be cool to go to checkers and look at the menu and ask what th epric ison stuff and go Hmm..yeah..cheaper at wendys. and then not order anything and say youre going to wendys

it would be cool to go to taco bell and get an xl soda and fill the cup with ice and sit in the middle of taco bell eating ice and bothering everyone

it would be cool to cry inside of arby’s every time they played a lenny kravitz song

it would be cool if every time they brought you your fast food tray you said “we’re not worthy” in a waynes world voice

it wouldb e cool to orde ra shitload of assorted bad food at mcdonalds and you get it on the tray and youre like Uhh i only ordered 3 large fries and the guy doesnt believe you + wants to see the receipt so you show it to him on the back of your hand and he inches closer and you backhand him across the face and break his nose and throw a 50 dollar bill on him as he’s on the ground in pain and say That’s for fucking up my order, kid. and walk away with your tray of big macs

it would be cool to order one thing of chicken mcnuggets (to stay) and the guy brings it to you on a tray and you open up the little mcnugget box and empty it into your front coat pocket and pay him and leave

it would be cool to order a burrito from taco bell, open it up at thte counter and spit in it and try and get the taco bell regsiter guy to eat it for 20 dollars

it would be cool to say “two trays please because my family needs me to carry food to the car” and when they bring out 2 trays bring them outside without ordering anything and hold them in both arms and flap like a bird outside the window so they know you tricked them

it would be cool to order a tray full of burritos at taco bell andbring them to a table and then just lay them all out across the table and flatten ever ysingle one of them in an autistic manner and leave

it would be cool to order 10 taco box meal at t bell and the 10 boneless chicken bucket at kfc. swap the contents and then ask to speak to a manager at both places

it would be cool to drive to the drive thru, order food, pay for it, drive to the second window, shoot a water gun in the second guys face and drive away, leaving your food

it would be cool if you could convince an arbys manager that he was dead and you were the grim reaper

it would be cool to show up at fast food place wearing a hard hat and tool belt and jeans and radio and tell them you’re a construction worker and you are taking a lunch order for 45 men and  you need 40 spicy chicken salads and 5 fish sandwich and while they’re making the huge order tell them how wimpy the men you foreman for are and how they eat sissy lunch daily and you hate it and wish there were stronger men on your team. then you get really mad about it by the time food comes out and say you’re going to eat their meals in spite and sit down and eat all of it in dining area and make a huge mess

it would be cool to order all your food at burger king in a really cool manner and flirt with the register girl and tal kto the manager and give him props and shoot the shit for a bit and stay too long and then youre like oh my foods gettin cold hahaha well ill definitely be back guys, its been funand youve like totally made their shitty nights btu then 2 minutes later they hear noises and look outside and see you tearing ass all over their grass and doing donuts all over the place and then you drive off

it would be cool togo into fast food place and say that you’re a model agent and if its a guy at register say theres many models coming right after you to eat here and if he gives you a discount then maybe you’ll show him which one has no boyfriend and wants one bad and if its a girl say that she looks even better than some of the models on your squad and that she should come to your casting office and ask if you can have your burgers on the house and then when they get you free stuff call the manager over and show him

t would be cool to orde ra big mac and say “uhhh..thi sisnt a big mac”
when it obviously is
and get really defensive
and call the mangaer over and stuff
I KNOW WAHT AB IG MCALOOKS LIKE

it would be cool to bring a giant fast food cup into the restaurant you’re holding a burger king cup even though its mcdonalds and you go near the soda machines with it and when someone yells at you to not steal refills you open the cup and inside is a cleaning rag and spray and a visor and you put on the visor and start cleaning the machine really well and when they are finally done thinking about whats going on and they try to make you stop you can yell at them and say I”M TRYING TO RUN A BUSINESS HERE AND I DONT NEED YOUPUNKS MESSING AROUND

it would be cool if you wore a really big stupid pair of gaudy sunglasses to the burger king in the middle of the day and wore them inside as you ordered and you pointed to what you wanted on the menu and ordered it and the lday at the register wouldnt be able to resist laughing or giggling or maybe saying a joke at you and you just took it totally stone faced and then when your food gets there start feeling at the counter for it and picking up the wrong stuff and then she has to hand it to you and walk out and crash into the glass door and drop your food tray

it would be cool if you and a friend went to wendys and acted like you were in a wendys commercial the entire time and there were people in front of you see and youre like standing at the tables talking and then suddenly its actionand you guys walk up to the counter together having a really stilted loud conversatoin saying hsit like Dude, the Biggie fries are waaay better than the nuggets and the other guy is like you’re crazy and you cut in front of everyone an dmake really exaggereated lke cool guy arms on the counter poses when you get there and you guys are still having stilted fast food promotion argument and then the register guy is like Uhh what are you guys doing and youre like hey dawn evne though hes a guy cause its a girl in your advertisement and youre like what do you like better, a crispy packet of biggie fries or… and the guys like What the hell is wrong wtih you guys you sound lke assholes
and everyones getting mad and yelling at you and suddenly a third friend comes in with the punchline to the ad
and then all three of you return to normal mannerisms and leave the restaurant

it would be cool if you walked into burger king and started making a big order and say you’re hungry and that you dont have money but dont worry my friend is coming soon and he’s going to pay for you so you’ll just place the order now and then try to convince the staff to let you have th efood now since you’re so hungry and he’ll be there soon to pay and make a huge fuss and get so loud that they have to call the police and when the police show up its officer jeff and he says the only crime this man committed is having a late friend and jeff is the friend and you both laugh and leave without paying


vrunt

hi i’m vrunt. i made feedbuzz.

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