My Estranged Father’s Top 10 Tweets

By my estimation, I have not seen my father in one decade and I have not spoken to him since shortly before my 18th birthday. I could make a whole Feedbuzz list detailing the reasons why, but this Father’s Day weekend we have more pressing issues to deal with: my estranged father’s Twitter feed, which I discovered on the night of May 12, which began as a typical night watching Nardwuar videos in bed alone. In order to process these newly rekindled daddy issues (j/k), I now present the top ten funniest tweets my estranged father has made through his storied, 176 tweet Twitter career:


My estranged father’s got jokes and he thinks they’re funny.


My estranged father uses no subtlety to flirt with Molly McAleer.

7. (TIE)

My estranged father decides a shallow compliment is necessary.

5. (TIE)

My estranged father decides a shallow compliment isn’t enough.


My estranged father reads too far into a tweet by the late Rodger [sic] Ebert.


My estranged father was blocked by reggae group One World Tribe.


My estranged father lies in response to nothing.


My estranged father uses a photo of me as a child to flirt with Molly McAleer.