Throughout the rich history of comic strips, dogs have faithfully accompanied their human masters onto the printed page. The exception is Marmaduke who is a motherfucker dog with no respect for anyone. His master the mustache man gives him a home which is more than many dogs can say and yet this Marmaduke bastard abuses him by sitting on couches and being rude. Fuck that dog.
4. Snoopy (Peanuts)
First of all Marmaduke is a huge dog. I do not blame him for being huge because he was bred to be huge (the men who bred him to be a huge dog are assholes but that is another article). But if a human is huge and he sits on a midget and kills that man, then he is sent to jail! Yet Marmaduke, a dog who is bigger than all humans in the comic strips, is allowed to jump on things and people smaller than him with no consequence. Marmaduke should be put in the electric chair. I am against capital punishment most times but in this case? I make the exception.
3. Odie (Garfield)
Marmaduke wants to have sex with his owner’s wife. This is obvious and the owner knows it. All the characters know it and they mock the owner for his weakness. But they do not have to deal with this dog, the Marmaduke mother fucker who has only known how to take his entire life. The mustache owner can say “No!” and “Bad Dog!” but there is nothing that can be done. Only public decency standard prevents depiction of this senseless act.
2. Otto (Beetle Bailey)
Marmaduke looks diseased. His face is falling off, it is disgusting. Look at him. Every time i open to comics and I see his face I vomit, and I ruin my newspaper. When will Marmaduke, that dogshit asshole, pay me back for all my newspapers? My wife has left me because of this.
1. Fred Bassett (Fred Bassett)
One day Marmaduke will run off without his leash because he is too big to control. He will run so far he leaves his town and he runs to Big City where everything is big. Suddenly he is not so big anymore, now he is normal sized. The dog catcher now is much bigger than Marmaduke and more powerful. “Hey you average sized dog, you shouldn’t be running around without a leash!” his voice will boom. Marmaduke will be caught and put in the shelter that has the highest kill rate in Big City. Even though he is now just average dog, he still has a haughty attitude. No child will adopt him. After one week the shelter will put him to sleep and the world will be better for it. That is my dream.
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