The 50 Most Surprising Aaron Hernandez Getting Raped In Prison Gags!

Not going to lie, if you’re anything like us around here at the FeedBuzz HQ, the first thing you think about when you hear of a crime having been committed is: “I wonder what’s in store, penetration-wise, for this individuals butt-hole vis a vis forced sex?” Classic quandary, we’ve all been there, let’s not lie about it. Here are a few internet jokesters that were wondering the same thing about New England Patriot’s TIGHT END Aaron Hernandez, a Mexican fella, who got himself in a jam this week, by probably shooting someone in the head. Not gonna lie, that seems like a surefire recipe for getting raped in prison.

Not yet!

You know what they say about what happens when you ass-ume? You get a criminal’s penis in your ass and you’re all “UME I DONT LIKE THAT PARTICULARLY”

Good joke writing!

Because then they won’t rape you.

Oh man I hope so!

Because they turn a blind eye to this horrifying epidemic!

Nope.

Brady certainly appears homo-sexual some-times! :0

Tight bums are generally preferable to loose ones, butt-sex-wise, not gonna lie.

Preach on!

And run with it 100 yards towards the end zone!

Good hashtag!

Soap gets dirty when you drop it, hairs and stuff.

 

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I write lots of things for internet and paper, some of them are less dumb than others. https://twitter.com/lukeoneil47 http://www.putthatshitonthelist.com

13 comments

  1. djtsex says:

    Hilarious as always! Some great up-and-coming comedians on this list.

    On a somewhat related note, it’s bizarre that we really dont see any females in this list. I know I hate the stereotypes that females hate sports and can’t make jokes, but when you look at a great article like this, theyre really just not even close to the level of all these men

  2. Luke says:

    His is a great article, thanks for noticing, and thanks for supporting the longform community.

  3. tehdewald says:

    10 years ago we had tight ends but now we have wide receivers

  4. lukeoneil47 says:

    that’s a really good point, sadly, i think its message will be lost on the world.

  5. robert gillespie says:

    I didnt know the patriots had a run and shoot offense

  6. john says:

    Aaron hernandez is going to prison as a tight end and is coming out as an loose end.

  7. […] the jokes. At least the “tight-end-to-wide-receiver” joke has never been made before. Ever. And you’re the only person to think of it in this situation. Bully for you, comedic equivalent of cold […]

  8. Alr says:

    To laugh about another human being being raped is disgusting. No matter what someone does no one deserved that. Shameful

  9. Reese says:

    I don’t think these jokes are funny anymore. I mean they were funny for like 2 day and people just kept using the tight end, wide receiver joke. Lets cut to the chase Aaron is fucking huge and won’t be getting butt raped. If anything he’ll be doing the butt rape.

  10. Richard says:

    Has to be the most obvious joke in human history. And it’s a good one . Everybody I know laughed when they heard it. And all the know it all’s whined about hearing it already.

  11. bestcodwinner1999 says:

    i dont get the part where they say tight end wide receiver is that a sportballs thing

  12. conor says:

    you dont have to bend over in a sexual way if you drop the soap you could squat or you could bend your knees instead and also you coould do a handstand

  13. Silvanus says:

    SERIOUSLY!!! are all these idiots up there so unaimaginatively uncreative ??? couldn´t anyone have come up with anything even remotely more intelligent ??” Jeeeezzzzz