Say “NO” to drugs!
BOOM! You’re dead. Any questions?
The good people affiliated with the D.A.R.E. program sought to deliver this message to middle school age children through the use of horrific images and tales of woe. Remember? Of course you don’t, because you didn’t fucking listen! The first time someone DARE’d you to do some “Marywanya” you probably ate the whole thing without even thinking twice! Drugs are very dangerous and no one has ever survived doing them. If they had, you’d hear more pleasant stories about the drugs and doers, or “DADs” as I like to call them. “Hey, did you hear about Steve? He drank some pot and had a really great time at his in-laws!” Yeah right. Too many DADs plague our country, and that is why it is time to take a stand! I encourage all of you to walk to the nearest pharmacy with as many people as you can gather and yell “NO” at the drugs until they have no choice but to leave our town alone!
Tell your mailbox to BACK OFF
Guess who’s got a large package for your girlfriend? Its the god damn mailbox again! Every morning that mailbox laughs its maily laugh as you head off to your shit job in your shit car to go work at the shit factory (that’s what mailboxes call McDonald’s), and there’s nothing you can do about it! Or is there? You’ve got to show that delivery demon who’s the alpha mail, and I’ll tell you how! Sit out in your yard for awhile until some kids come along, then implore them to keep down that damn racket, you’re trying to watch Seinfeld. This may take a few tries to get right, but if you’re lucky, the kids will come back later and smash the ever living crap out of your helpless mailbox with baseball bats. Your bruised and beaten mailbox will be forced to return to Sender,(I think Sender is some guy who makes mailboxes), and let you e-mail in peace!
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