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Some Pretty Good Ideas For Whoever Owns The Redskins

These days everyone seems to be honked off about a football team. The team is in the NFL and it is called The Redskins. Some folks seem to think that the team’s name is racist towards Native Americans. Other folks only had time to say, “Whatever,” because they were busy tying fake balls to their F250′s trailer hitch.

Who is right? I don’t know. Maybe some clever shithead could ‘shine a light’ on this ‘racism’ with an ‘ironic’ ‘Internet’ ‘article’. I bet that would be ‘funny’.

That’s totally not what this article is. This article is just a few ideas. I think that the team should change their name. Not because I think that the white majority is gaslighting or anything – but because new names are cool and in 2013 the times are modern and there should be a modern name to go with the times.

So here are some good ass ideas for new names for an NFL team.

1. The Savages.

You wouldn’t even have to change the logo. That is why this is a pretty good idea. You get rid of that pesky charge of racism and every fan has to buy new team gear! It’s a ‘win-win’ as they say in sports! Everyone wins!

2. The Motherfuckers

A lot of people say that in order to defuse the charged meaning in a word you have to use it a lot so you can ‘take it back’ from the people who use it in a bad way. Then you can use it in a good way! The Motherfuckers is a good name because you still get to have controversy which means your team’s name is in the news. And until the word is officially taken back you get to have the most intimidating name in all of sports. Also you wouldn’t have to change the logo.

3. The Eagles

First you have to get rid of the team from Philadelphia which will be easy because those guys killed a dog so everyone hates them and they threw batteries at Santa Claus like a bunch of The Savages. The team from Washington D.C. should be called the Eagles because it’s the nation’s capitol and the eagle is the capitol of this nation’s birds.

4. The Good Men

Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country. That’s what people say all the time because good men are the best men. The Good Men is a good name because of that. The only thing you’d have to do to the logo is color the man white.

5. The Christians

Want a superior team name? Why not name it after the one and only true and superior religion? Besides if you remember your history it was Christians that defeated the Redskins back in the history books. You could use a cross for the logo. You can keep the mascot, just have another mascot that is a priest convert him before every game.

6. The Constitutions

Dumb idiots say people hide behind the Constitution as if that’s a bad thing. They are dumb though because hiding behind the Constitution is good! The Constitution is bulletproof and it protects all of us real Americans. Also if you roll it up it becomes a gun according to an Illuminati book my friends said he saw. So it’s the best at defense and offense too. I don’t know what to do about the logo but it probably should be one of those feather pens.

7. The Guns

Fuck it. Make the logo a gun. This is probably the best idea of the bunch and I can’t believe I am the only one to think of it. “Patriots Shot Down by Guns” would make a great sports headline too. I’m not even going to copyright that one. It’s a gift to you, the people.

I think every NFL team should change their name. Here’s a list of every team I can remember and the new name I think they should have:

The Patriots – The Savage Killers

The Giants – The Totally Big Dick Havers

The Jets – The Regulated Flights

The Eagles – (they are eliminated)

The Steelers – The Service Industreers

The Ravens – The Wires

The Panthers – The NASCARs

The Buccaneers – The Existers

The Dolphins – The Coves

The Bears – The Strong Fats

The Colts – The Secret Nazis

The Rams – The Crazy Monuments

The Broncos – The Mountains Have No Blacks

The Bills – The Other Existers

The Cardinals – The Open Carries

The Raiders – The White Fears

The 49ers – The Cash for Golds

The Chargers – The Chapter 11s

And that is every team. Those are just my first ideas, too. It’s 2013 and we could rename them every year! My neighbor has a screen-printing business in his basement and it seems pretty easy to make new shirts.

I forgot about the Bengals. Everyone hates Cincinnati as much as they hate Redskins so we might as well call them The Redskins.

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SRN

Ham. Bread. Dads.