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The Scariest Foods. For Halloween.

Halloween is here and everything can be scary even your food. When you eat food some of it becomes guts, some becomes your skeleton and the rest is poop. Holy hell, you better run!

Pickle

Get this: they take a cucumber and put that shit into vinegar. And then you get it out of the vinegar and it stinks and you eat it. And salt.

Egg

These things come out of a chicken’s ass and you eat them like there’s nothing in the world wrong with that. Also if you let them stick around they either turn into stinkbombs or more chickens but we as a people decided that frying them is ok to do.

Marshmallow

This is some plastic that is made of sugar and oil. Sounds tasty as hell. Do me a favor, put some sugar and oil in a bowl and see if you get a big urge to put it on a stick and eat it.

Salads

This stuff grows out in the woods and its entire life there are bugs on it and a farmer puts cow shit down there too. Running it under the tap makes it very clean. Haha just joking it’s dirty and can kill you with bacteria from someone’s ass.

Meat

This stuff used to be attached to a living animal of some kind. Now it’s dead and you’re putting it in your mouth. What are you, a zombie?

Garbage

Take a gander in your trash can for some goodies. Ok you don’t want to do that but let me tell you there are people who do this. They are called Freegans. They just go into the garbage and eat what’s in there. Their breath smells like the devil’s balls.

Ghost

You eat ghosts at night in your sleep and that’s why when they record ghosts they sound all pissed off. They have a recording of a ghost in Cincinnati screaming because a guy ate the ghost starting with its dick. President Obama is the only one who heard it but he told the Harold and Kumar guy.

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SRN

Ham. Bread. Dads.