If there’s one thing any modern girl (or guy) loves more than watching perfectly sculpted actors and musicians parading around, often shirtless, with looks of aloof total bad-assery; it’s hunks with a dark side. FeedBuzz is going to bring you the top six (like six-six-six, like the devil because that’s edgy, or sex, because that makes you horny) of the most osgasmically evil hunks of all time to help you think about something other than the crippling pain and misfortune taking place outside of the mainstream anglophone media.
6. Pedro Alonso Lopez
“One eye on you, one eye on his escape. HNNG”
“The Monster of the Andes” is probably a monster in bed. He’s had a lot of practice, too; raping and killing an alleged 300 girls across South America (but with those looks, who wouldn’t want some of that). He was released from prison in 1998, but Interpol put out an advisory for his arrest in 2002 (but fuck the cops, you know?)
5. Charles Manson
“The embodiment of 60s love”
OF COURSE this counterculture god is going to be on FeedBuzz’s list. He brought together youths from beautiful San Francisco in order to bring about Helter Skelter, the totally awesome race war that he sought to bring about by depriving black men of the white women he conscripted to join his “family”. Knowing what happens when you piss off the blacks, Charlie was a true visionary; he spent most of his life prior in and out of jail seeking “the truth” or something that a sexy devil like he would seek.
After moving to the happening place of the 60s, San Francisco, Manson started to gain a following as a guru because acid can make you totally realize that Charlie was just like you and me, only smarter. Borrowing from the satan-worshipping Process Church and the alien-fearing Scientology that he studied, he eventually set up shop with him and his girls at the house of Dennis Wilson of the Beach Boys (the band your Dad likes). When Wilson’s manager stopped digging Manson’s vibe, him and his family went out to Spahn’s Movie Ranch and eventually a place out in Death Valley where they got ready to bring on the apocalypse.
The aftermath of the days of terror in August 1969 would leave four family members convicted of all 27 charges leveled against them. Manson himself was found guilty of seven counts of first-degree murder but that’s bullshit because he didn’t kill anybody himself. He only brainwashed his devotees with hallucinogenic drugs and lots and lots of sex. Wouldn’t you kill for the best drugs and the best sex? Are you a terrorist?
What makes Manson so hunky is his vision, man. How else do you end up with such philosophical questions like the following?
4. Liu Kang, er, Richard Ramirez
“Flowing locks make the panties drop”
The Night Stalker. Total Stud. Also devoted enough to ‘stalk’ and that shows a desire for commitment, right?
3. H. H. Holmes
“A man with class. That’s not a fedora; fedoras are for nerds.”
This hunk had a dream – he wanted to build a whole castle devoted to pure hedonism. His particular brand of pleasure involved tricking guests at the 1893 Columbian Exposition in Chicago to stay on the first and second stories of a property he owned. Knowing how to get the crowd excited, he created a maze of rooms, many without windows and many others with doors leading nowhere, to confuse (and arose) the ever-loving-shit out of the witless “guests”. Blowtorch devices in walls and “asphyxiation chambers” helped set the mood, and in the basement Holmes put a dissecting table and a crematory along with an acid and quicklime pit to dispose of his dead corpse playthings when they couldn’t take any more pleasure. Nothing says devotion quite like building a whole murder castle. Many of his (mostly female) guests had the times of their lives, until they couldn’t live the thrill any longer. WHAT A MAN.
He also was good with money. Back at the medical school of good ol’ Michigan University (where he passed examinations in 1884) he would steal corpses, mutilate them, and then take out bogus insurance policies claiming the damage he had done was due to some tragic accident. Now if that isn’t sound financial planning I don’t want to be right.
2. Richard Chase
“That ‘Fuck Society’ look that all girls love.”
Everybody knows vampires are hot. Drinking blood is sexy (without it we couldn’t have sex, you know). “The Vampire of Sacramento” Richard Chase knew this, but he also had a reason closer to his heart. He thought it was shrinking, so after having his few friends ditch him for being a free spirit (you know, walking around nude high on acid when company paid a visit) he started blending up small animals to make a concoction to stop his heart from totally disappearing.
His problems didn’t end there. After a while he thought his blood was turning to powder, so he did the rational thing an injected rabbit blood into his veins. After a stint of institutionalization he got back out into the real world where he figured out that animal blood of rabbits, birds (which he would kill and eat while committed) and bovines (a bucket of cow’s blood was found in his car during one of his numerous ‘incidents’) he had to get some human juice.
After doing a drive-by (like any real G’) he started trolling the streets looking for houses “inviting” him in; if the front door was unlocked he knew they wanted the D. After being chased off by a returning couple (whose house was covered in feces and urine, demonstrating Chase’s eye home decor) he got his fix for blood by killing Teresa Wallin in her home. Wallin was three months pregnant at the time. A couple days after he broke into Evelyn Miroth’s home, killed a visitor, Miroth, and Miroth’s 6-year-old and her 22-month-old nephew. His tittilating methods included plowing the dead corpse and eating all that delicious Long Pig before running off with the baby’s body.
He was such a complete badass that when he was finally caught and incarcerated all the prisoners were scared shitless by his manly blood-hungry aura. Since they KNEW they couldn’t kill him themselves, they tried to convince him to do it himself; and like any true man he proved he could by an overdose. He wasn’t about to let the pigs put him in a gas chamber like they were planning. No; he was too cool for that shit.
1. Fred West
“He’s a little old, but that just SCREAMS experience and success.”
Oh, aren’t the English just so damn SEXY? It’s got to be that accent and that politeness. How else do you think they ended up ruling an Empire that said “fuck you” to the setting sun? Fred West is definitely a killer who puts this example front and center. He was a kinky son of a bitch to boot; rearing a family rife with hot incest and the hottest of all, MURDER.
“Do what you want, just don’t get caught doing it” was the advice little Freddie took to heart. His father said it often, and Pa West was probably living it by boning Fred’s sisters. After molesting a 13-year-old when he himself was 19 Fred’s family couldn’t handle the sexual animal and effectively disowned him. He shacked up with a prostitute named Rena who was already having a baby from some Pakistani client. West ran over a kid in 1965 while on the job as the ice cream man (the kid was probably a fatass chasing the van. He had it coming; Free West!) and then got a little friendly with Rena’s friend Anne McFall, who ended up disappearing whilst pregnant with Freddie’s love child.
Fred met future wife Rosemary Letts on her 15th birthday, and a year later she was living with him. When Fred got in jail for theft, “Rose” offed Fred’s step daughter Charmaine when she wouldn’t cry after getting beaten. When Fred got back out he encouraged Rose to be a hooker, which no doubt contributed to at least three of their seven kids. They moved to a bigger house where Rose set up shop in a room complete with peepholes and a red light to warn the kiddies when she was ‘busy’ with her hard work. Hell, sometimes Rose’s own father would pay his sweet daughter a visit.
The wild sexual romp at 25 cromwell included deceiving a 17-year-old Caroline Roberts into helping keep house. Really Fred wanted something to bone that wasn’t related to him, but Caroline got wise and ran off. She couldn’t resist Fred and Rose’s charm for long (especially when they tricked her again) and she submitted to the couple’s desires. Around this time Fred’s daughter Anne-Marie was brought to the cellar and received her eight-year-old rite of passage; having her father bang her while her mother watched.
At least 11 murders were attested to the couple by the time their fun times at Cromwell ended in 1994 when police dug up the body of Fred and Rose’s daughter Heather underneath their garden. He hanged himself in 95, again no doubt in defiance to the man bringing him down (total rebel, total stud). What makes him even hotter is that Bonnie-and-Clyde feel of both him and his wife killing and raping together like true romantic criminals.
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