Thoughts that occurred to left-fielder Matt Holliday, 2013

April 1, 2013: Grass on field. I like green grass. Why does green grass get brown sometimes?

April 22: Jaime says he’s Mexican but he speaks Spanish so now I’m confused.

April 30: Matheny reads Bibles good. I like God.

May 13: My arm hurts. Journalist asking me about it. Why are they all fat?

May 19: Cut a mole while shaving my head. Mole got in drain. I wonder where mole is now?

May 29: I wish my truck was like Wainwright’s truck. His truck is real nice.

June 1: Heinz ketchup is good. Hunt’s is also good. I like hot dogs, but only sometimes.

June 12: Hispanics like loud music. Sounds like my dog got into the pots and pans.

June 25: When I see a butterfly, I want to fly too.

July 3: What if whole team dies in plane crash over the Rockies? What if angel cannot find my body?

July 10: Did Carlos say Jews or juice controlled all media?

July 16: Is this the halfway point of year? Why we do not have six-month years? Or one-month weeks?

August 9: Today is Hoda Kotb’s birthday. What kind of name is that? Someone told me she is Acriptin. I don’t know any Acriptins and I don’t want to know any.

August 22: If the whales are as smart as scientists say they are, then why don’t they have things like video games? I hate whales. Scientists are dumb.

September 2: Saw my first colored leaf of autumn. I will try not to weep in dugout today. Maybe later in the truck.

September 15: Sat on a roll of quarters today. Does that make me a homo?