Top 10 Articles I’ve Written for Feedbuzz that aren’t Publishable

10. Top 3 Pictures of Oprah Eating a Blow Pop

This one was pretty straight forward. I think the editors didn’t run with it because of the heavy usage of Photoshop and Corel draw.

9. Top 5 Ways I’d Have Masturbated in Stalin’s Russia

I used far too many contractions on this one, plus the ideas I had for trying to alter propaganda pictures by drawing boobs on them was a bit crude. Good call on the editor for not pushing this one through.

8. Top 7 Erotic Fan Arts from TV’s ThunderCats

This one didn’t stand a chance because all the artists were sure to include text and watermarks saying “STRAYKTZ@DevianArt says DON’T STEAL! Original characters owned by the Creator!!” and Feedbuzz doesn’t have the legal support staff to fight back the onslaught I would have brought down on them.

7. The Top 9 Places I’ve Exposed my Penis to the Open Air

Vrunt says that I can’t just post admissions I’ve written for prior legal troubles and pass it off as an article. He runs a tight ship.

6. My 4 Favorite Ross-Centric Friends Adult Fan-Fics

I could only find two and they both ended with an all dude 3-way. Also, I wrote one of them.

5. The Top 10 Reasons Hitler Would Have Loved the 90s
Can’t go wrong putting together topics everybody loves, they said. No way you can screw this one up they said. Well turns out accusing everyone who quotes Austin Powers of being a Nazi still isn’t cool but I stand by those words.

4. The 6 Hardest Episodes of Golden Girls to Masturbate to

I think this one was really well written, but the fact that I wouldn’t back down on including screen caps with a cartoon penis rating system drawn on might have been my down fall.

3. Top 8 Episodes of HBO’s Girls Featuring Depressing Depictions of Breasts

Lesson learned: Just writing “All of them” isn’t as clever an article as I was hoping it’d be

2. The Top 5 Hate-Groups for Hatin’ On

Tumblr isn’t a hate group and neither is the editorial staff at FeedBuzz for not publishing the previously mentioned Golden Girls article. I get it now. I’m sorry guys.

1. Top 4 FAIL War Crimes of the 21st Century

Saying you don’t get the problem people have with Pol Pot when his name lends to the most internet friendly nickname ever of “Boner Weed” really doesn’t pay enough reverence to the atrocities committed by the Khmer Rouge and I understand that now. Also FAIL-Ujah isn’t as clever as I had hoped for.