Clothing

Top 10 Halloween Costumes for 2013

 Halloween is a good holiday for children but also for men and women. Women get to be sexy for once and men can finally relax with a drink or three (haha that’s a joke. Two is fine). The best thing is dressing up in a scary costume and maybe you can have sex in these costumes or have sex right after taking them off? I don’t know, just spitballing here. At any rate a lot of folks don’t know what costume to put on for the holiday so FeedBuzz is here to help. Read this good article and tell Vrunt to pay me more FeedBucks so I can also afford these costume ideas and food!

 

 

 

10. Skeleton

 

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Skeletons are the next big thing in Hollywood movie blockbusters. From erotic fiction where a handsome and brooding skeleton man puts the ‘bone’ to a girl who is supposedly hot but kind of unappealing to the mad scientist with his skeletation ray, you can’t go wrong with skeletons in 2013. There’s good news for the ladies as it’s pretty cheap to be a sexy skeleton – especially if you have an eating disorder (which are also cheap to get). For guys, if you have a good scientist friend with sulfuric acid you can be both a skeleton and a ghost for mad good Halloween fun!

 

9. Syria

 

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Syria is huge business these days and it’s all the rage. They’re planning on a great big enormous Halloween this year because of all the ghosts. For this costume all you have to do is wear a really long nightshirt and carry a squirt-gun filled with Formula 409. For sexy Syria, wet the nightshirt.

 

8. Sex

 

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One of the scariest things in the natural world is binary gender intercourse. This terrifying concept can be harnessed to astound and life scar your friends and neighbors. Wear a diaper and write ‘this is what happens’ in blood on your chest. To be sexy sex make sure the blood gets on your boobs and butt.

 

7. Rap and Country

 

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No one likes rap and country. They are so hated they have teamed up for revenge! You might think you can sleep at night until you hear Alan Jackson and Too Short blasting the roof off your basement until you are dead because that’s not good for your house’s foundation and it collapes and you die before the sniff dog can find you. All you need for this costume is a cowboy hat, fake gold teeth (also called ‘a smoker’), cowboy boots and contempt for women. Ladies, wear a denim dress with the buns cut out of the dress so we can see your butt.

 

6. The Person Who Cuts a Turd in the Bathroom at the Party

 

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Everyone has a bathroom in their house – even ‘poor’ people have this luxury in America. The one thing that really grinds everyone’s gears is when someone drops a load of crap from their ass in there like some kind of animal! What kind of sick jerk would do that inside a bathroom? Defecation is disgusting and best left outside in the shame yurt. Until now – because it’s Halloween and time to turn tradition on its ear! Eat a bunch of spaghetti before the party and you’re ready! To make it a sexy costume for ladies, announce that you need to poop and ask if anyone wants to watch and do the flush.

 

5. Miley Cyrus

 

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The worst person in the world today isn’t Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong Un or even Tom Cruise. It’s Miley Cyrus. So it’s no wonder that the jimmy jammiest of scary Halloween duds happens to be that cukoo-crazy chanteuse! Sure gassing your people is awful bad but rubbing your buns on Alan Thicke’s kid’s crotch takes the cake! Also she did a bad thing when she apparently appropriated some really important cultural touchstones from the black community. Just terrible! To do this costume just smoke some weed and act like an average 20-year-old. To make it a sexy lady costume you probably have to manipulate some penis. I know it’s a tough ask but this is what you have to do for authentic frights.

 

4. Edward Scissorhands

 

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This is a joke costume but behind it creeps a real life horror. You see it’s not from the movie with Johnny Depp – it’s from our VA Hospitals. First you take scissors and cut off some of your fingers showing your dedication to haunted fun. Then you bleed all over your clothes while you hastily, inexpertly and unsanitarily stitch up your wounds. Hand out pamphlets that obviate the deplorable conditions our veterans must endure at the VA after serving our country with honor. To do this in a sexy way if you are a girl put your phone number on the pamphlets. Don’t worry, it’s not your phone number – it’s the phone number for a Halloween Joke line. It’s a nice prank to take the edge off all this war talk.

 

3. Priaprism

 

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No doubt about it, men and women are scared of boners. Why do you have a boner, dude? Are you gay or something? Don’t get boners! You should be really dang ashamed of how your dingdong works. It’s God’s little evolutionary joke! To do this costume wear sweatpants and think about anime all night. For ladies you carry around a sizable, realistic, rock-hard dildo and an arrow with ‘bad’ written on it that you make point at the dildo to let people know how sinister an erection is.

 

2. Atheist

 

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Death is only frightening if you are an arrogant fool who ‘knows’ that it brings eternal nothingness as your molecules are reabsorbed into the universe. Do you remember what it was like before you were born? That is what it is like when you die. According to an atheist that is! The actual scary part is atheists are removed from God’s love. For this costume you carry a Bible but inside the Bible the pages have been cut out and instead there is a loaded gun. At the party you extemporize on free will then you shoot yourself to prove a point. When you instantly turn to dust and are swept down to hell by the Devil you win Halloween forever! For women to make this sexy you just take off all your clothes instead of killing yourself because ‘morality isn’t based on religion’.

 

1. Batman

 

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You thought this was going to be a joke, didn’t you? Haha very funny SRN, you’re a real Henny Youngman! You’ll be huge on the borscht belt! Well I’m here to tell you that Batman is no joke. Taking the law into your own hands is applauded in this country and I wish more people would do it. There are plenty of real-life supervillain analogues in the real world like Hoodie Kid, Arab Passenger and Uppity President. Someone needs to stop them. Someone like you. You are Batman. Stand your ground and Second Amendment solve these crimes! Ladies you can be Batman too and to make it sexy; Please have sex with me while you are dressed as Batman. I’ve always wanted to have sex with Batman and I’m not gay, ok?