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Top 10 People who will actually click the link to this article when I tweet it in a pathetic attempt to revive my declining brand in a “twitter economy”, as much as i hate that word, that has embraced a new era of jokesters and shunned me and my incredibly dull self-referential style of comedy, leading me to attempt to chase a fleeting dream of being famous in an industry full of assholes who play both sides and will throw you under the bus without a moment’s hesitation

1. You

I hope you clicked on this. Please for the love of god validate me seriously holy fuck. I’ve become a monster. Social media has transformed me into a creature fueled by nothing but hatred of anyone who comes close to being successful and “Not Me”

2. Vrunt

I mean the dude’s gotta read it if he’s gonna post it and even though he’ll probably hate it he’ll post it knowing full well i only wrote this as a bid for attention from something that’s “In” right now because I not only care about twitter and followers but I sincerely derive what level of “happy” i am in real life based on virtual success in a Pavlovian hell

3. My Mom

I’m gonna show my mom the article eventually, maybe a month or two from now, when I reach a really low point because I know she’ll say something nice and maybe that’ll be just enough to keep me from drinking again

4. Me, like 20 or so times after it gets published

Because this is a real thing I do, where I just sit alone in my room and chuckle at my own material. Just sitting here laughing doing nothing getting nothing accomplished creating absolutely zero content just laughing at my own fucking jokes.

5. Someone with whom I’ve burnt a bridge

This is gonna happen I know it I just fucking know it one of those people I burnt a bridge with out of some sort of social obligation or something out of my control wherein their perception of me changed to something that was so horrid that they didn’t want to see me and I have no way of changing that, one of those people is gonna find this and they’re gonna read it and laugh at me my life is in fucking shambles I know they’re out there They’re gonna read this and think “haha I was right”

6. Oh god. Oh god I can’t do this anymore

I can’t, I just fucking can’t do this. This article is so heavily narcissistic in a way that is at the same time self-hating that it’s just pathetic. what is this. what the fuck is this article

7. Just stop reading this

It’s not going anywhere else. The punchline is over, if it even began, and now you’re entering the dark void, where no original content is going to be created, and will be either stolen shamelessly or derivative of my previous works

8. Free iPad!

Free iPad. Click Here For Free iPad Jokes, iPad Humor, iPad Jokes and Funny, The New Meme! The New Meme Discovery: iPad I’m White And Young And Work At A Website Buzzfeed.Com Buzzfeed.com Buzzfeed.com!

9. Boatercycles

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