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Top 5 Things I Should Do According To the Guy I Beat In WarGame: AirLand Battle Lastnight

5. “Uninsal gam”

I’m going to guess he means I uninstall the game. Maybe the way I had it installed might have been to the wrong drive and causing issues on my own part or maybe he just didnt like the fact that I was playing at all when I could be doing something else like working in my garden. Video games do lead to a sedentary lifestyle and maybe he just wanted me to get more exercise in my middle aged life.

4. “Eat shit “

This one was a bit surprising, this person wanted me to eat my own feces and then called me a name that doesn’t even make sense in the context in which it was used. Maybe this guy was just taking a wild stab in the dark at both my eating habits and racial background. Bad pool either way, though.

3. “Go fuk urself”

I had already masturbated earlier since my wife’s migraines were bad Saturday, but maybe he thought I had some serious tension judging by my aggressive usage of infantry assaults and close air support and I needed some release.

2. “Stop bieng n00b”

This person obviously wants me to become a better player and thinks my current strategy of playing the game to become more experienced is a solid one. Which doesn’t make sense considering what he told me at #5. Maybe he’s just a confused soul.

1. “Stop dude spam”

Maybe he thinks Chuck Heston’s superb film “Soylent Green” was a documentary and wants me to take up arms against the usage of people as a food source. Or maybe he’s just a fucking moron who sucks at both video games and grammar.