It seems these goofball politicians are always mucking things up, leaving the rest of us working Joes and Janes with nothing to do but shake our heads. Check out the most epic political blunders, gaffes, and fails committed by our political leaders in the past decade:
6. Mitt Romney says he’ll be a great President… then loses the Presidential election!
In 2012 Mitt Romney told the GOP he was the one who would beat Barack Obama in November. Then he told America he was the one who would balance the budget and fix the economy. Then what happened? He freaking lost the election! Doy! Smooth move, ex-lax, putting the cart before the horse like that. Hey Mitt, sorry to get all Captain Obvious on you, but next time you talk about all the great things you’re going to do when you’re President, maybe you should actually, you know, become President? Le sigh.
5. Gerald Ford says there’s no Soviet domination of Eastern Europe… then dies!
In 1976, President Gerald Ford was locked in a tight re-election race with Democratic challenger Jimmy Carter. In the second debate between the two men, Ford infamously blundered by claiming there was no Soviet domination of Eastern Europe. Ford went on to lose the election by a slim margin to the peanut farmer from Georgia and then went on to die of cerebrovascular disease three decades later! Whoopsie daisy! Hey President Ford, you have a call: EPIC FAIL on line one. Oh wait, you can’t take it… because you’re dead! As Homer Simpson might say, “Doh’hh!”
4. America loses the Iraq War
Here’s a goof for the history books. In 2003 President Bush launched an invasion of Iraq, telling the American people that “we will accept no outcome but victory.” Then, over the course of the next eight years, over 4,000 American soldiers died and tens of thousands were wounded on the way to a humiliating defeat at the hands of the mighty Iraqi insurgency! Err, whoops! Good game, guys, no rematch! What’s more, America spent nearly two trillion hamburgers on this big steamin’ hunk of fail. Jeez, and here I thought I was a real spendthrift. Let’s just say last time I went to Best Buy to splurge on Blu-rays I didn’t suffer a embarrassing, total defeat that exposed me as a cowardly weakling and demoralized an entire country! Way to really screw the pooch on that one, George! Heck of a job, Bushie… NOT!
3. Black people literally wait in line for hours… just to vote!
On Election Day 2012, some Americans — mainly African-American and lower-income types — actually had to wait in line for several hours just to freakin’ vote, Lois. And this wasn’t a one-off thing either. Some of these boneheads have had to wait at polls every single election — yet they still keep coming back! Yikes! I figured you dumdums would have gotten the picture by now, huh? Looks like someone didn’t get that memo! Hey, next time you go to vote, try bringing an iPad. At least you’ll have plenty of time to practice your l33t Angry Birds skills.
2. South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford admits to having an affair, even though sex is a disgusting act and women are a distraction from intellectual pursuits such as editing Wikipedia and experiencing the sublime art of video games and subtitled animes from Japan, the most cultured nation on Earth, a place where intelligence and gaming skills are actually considered virtues, unlike the United States, where our biggest heroes are mouthbreathing jock sportsplayers and quote-unquote “reality” television actors who take pride in their ignorance and their abuse of alcohol and marijuana!
Mark Sanford was once widely seen as a rising star in the Republican Party. That was before his star exploded in a supernova of fail when Sanford, who had four children with his wife Jenny, was caught makin’ whoopee with an Argentinian journalist. That’s right, Marky Mark over here threw away his entire political career just to conduct repulsive sex acts with some vapid woman who probably can’t even pronounce Hayao Miyazaki, little less hold a meaningful and illuminating conversation about his lesser works! Face, meet palm. Hey, it wasn’t all bad though. At least Sanford’s wife left him after the affair went public. One down, one to go, I guess. Maybe if Sanford can get rid of that other vacuous, make-up-obsessed moneypit in his life, he can devote more time to studying advanced Magic: The Gathering strategy, like my friend Todd did after his wife died. Until then, it’s dinner for two at Chez Fail.
1. Togolese Presidential candidate Yawovi Agboyibo commits death by gaffe in an interview with Zarifou Ayéva
This one needs no introduction. Hands down, the political blunder of the decade has to go to epic gaffe committed by Action Committee for Renewal standard-bearer Yawovi Agboyibo in the middle of a tight race for the Togolese presidency in 2010. Three weeks before Election Day, Agboyibo over here gave a disastrous interview with respected news presenter Zarifou Ayéva on Togo’s top current affairs program, Dounegnon. When asked by Ayéva whether he supported lowering grain tariffs by .7% to allow cheaper imports into famine-struck Dapaong, Agboyibo, a former Prime Minister, famously declared that he had no idea what the current tariff schedule was! Um, care to try that again, Prime Minister Agboyibo? Would you like to phone a friend? This mondo fail was replayed over and over again on YouTube across the country, while Agboyibo watched his poll numbers go buhhhhhhhh-SPLAT! Huh, was it something I said? Geez, I sure hope someone got fired for this boner! Carrying a grand total of zero prefectures, Agboyibo finished third in the election, over one million votes behind the eventual victor, Rally for the Togolese People candidate Faure Gnassingbé. Ah, I love the sweet smell of FAIL in the morning!
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