Top 7 Reasons My Father Can No Longer Look Me In The Eyes

I think all these happened in the 90s

1. Caught me jerking off the True Lies on VHS

Jamie Lee Curtis was really hot in the stripping scene and I shouldn’t have to explain that this was in the time before I had unsupervised computer access.

2. Caught me jerking off to Porky’s on VHS

There’s a few scenes with naked ladies and mom had taken all my hidden Hustler’s the week before

3. Had to pick me up from school when I shit myself

I told the gym teacher that I shouldn’t be doing sit ups but he wouldn’t listen.

4. Caught me jerking off to The Secret World of Alex Mack

The girl on that show was super hot to 15 year old me and once again I want to point out I wasn’t allowed on the computer

5. I sold his war medals for ice cream money

That bullshit school charged an extra 75 cents for ice cream, 90 if it was chocolate and James Kilhan, the cool kid with a rat tail and 3 BB guns said he’d give me money for cool Army stuff

6. Caught me jerking off the Dennis the Menace on Laser Disc

Caroline in the City was super hot in that movie and I had figured out how to pause it so her cleavge was showing in that really sheer looking white top

7. He’s dead

Slipped and fell in a semi-opaque and very viscus fluid near the computer the day after they started letting me use the internet without supervision