B looks like a gross butt.
O is too easy to mix up with the number 0, which conveniently, is how many girls it has been with. That’s right folks, despite its gaping maw, O is a virgin. This pathetic letter sold out years ago for Oprah.
X, a notorious tic-tac-toe associate of our previous entry, is a treasure chest of dog-shit buried beneath itself. No self-respecting real word would ever let X lead its letters. Xylophone? are you kidding me? X’s are what dead peoples’ eyes turn into for a reason.
S is the single, solitary letter in the snake-alphabet. It also slightly resembles a slithering snake. When Satan selected a mortal shape, he chose a serpent. S is the devil.
L is the stupid letter that bullies make with their fingers and hold to their foreheads while they chant “Loser, Loser, Loser” and beat you senseless in the locker-room because they saw your L-shaped bent penis while showering after junior high gym class. Fuck you, L.
K is full of baloney. Comedians say it’s the funniest letter, but I’m not laughing. You only need three of these guys in one place to have a racist mob. Three strikes and K’s out of here.
Everything about Q is derivative. He looks like our already dirtbag friend O went and grew a rat-tail. He’s cripplingly co-dependent, the guy can’t show up anywhere without leaning on U’s shoulder. Every sound he makes can be also made by C or that boner K. I would wait in a queue for a quintillion years just to smash Q’s skull with cue-ball.
W is the only letter cocky enough to demand multi-syllable pronunciation. Its name is just a childishly simple bastardization of U, even though it often moonlights as double V’s. We don’t call B double-d, do we? Fuck no. Finally, three W’s has something to do with the Internet, which I have on good authority is exclusively for fucking nerds.
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