Top Five Bad Search Engines Throughout History


1. Archie


Archie was one of the first search engines ever. It kept a list of file names from public FTP sites. Here’s the catch: it didn’t index the contents of those files. Get with the program, bone-heads! I’m glad we don’t use that anymore. Imagine having to manually check the contents of files on public FTP sites. That would suuuuuuuuuck.


2. Yahooligans


Get real. You want me to use a search engine designed for children? Regular search was just fine for me. If I wanted to play games I would go to the Games section of Yahoo.com and in fact I did do that often. Didn’t need a special search for it. They actually have some cool card games on there if you like pinochle and other terrible card games. I rate Yahooligans 2 out of 10 stars.


3. Ask Jeeves


I wish someone had explained to me that Ask Jeeves was horseshit before I wasted all that time trying to search for stuff on it. It would have been cool if Jeeves was a badass guy like the Fonz or something. Imagine if a cool guy was helping you search instead of a butler. Too bad they chose a terrible idea instead of mine. For these reasons above, Ask Jeeves is one of the worst search engines in history.


4. Card catalog in the library


Lets face it: the card catalog was a terrible invention. It was hard to use and in the end all you could find were books. I’m glad the library has switched to computers. They should have used computers in the first place! Hey, did you ever notice that in wizard movies you never see Merlin going through a card catalog? They just keep track of their book shelves. Obviously the card catalog idea was a bad one. I rest my case.


5. Bing


Those clowns at Microsoft have a lot of nerve trying to run a search engine. If it were up to me, they would cancel Bing and use the money they saved on that to make Xbox Live Gold membership free. Who’s with me? I’m pretty sure your customers would rather have a free video game service instead of the search engine. Just my two gil.


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